Dear Friends,

I recently had several revelations teaching a workshop at UC Santa Cruz extension to a group of talented and insightful women. They were highly effective in many areas in their work and personal lives and still and wanted to improve their communication skills. We did a good bit of on-camera work and what I learned is two-fold.

1. Our core issues often sabotage our efforts to communicate.
2. Everyone has a soft spot -- this is what makes them loveable. It's the "they're just like me" factor.

The second day of the class one participant asked me why we started with the hard stuff first. She explained that it seemed like we got right to their core issues -- some personal and revealing problems -- that were difficult and sensitive.

I explained that this seems to happens with everyone I media coach from CEOs to chefs. It's natural that the things we care about and that are pressing on our minds come to the surface. Role playing in a classroom environment is a safe venue to try out new situations on those scenarios where we choke up, break down or otherwise avoid.

To the second point, whenever I feel any sort of dislike for someone first I ask myself, "why do I dislike them?". Then I try to let that feeling go. Lastly,I look for some quality that endears me to them. Sometimes, when I have difficulty finding a quality, I look for something superficial to start with like their clothes or a physical feature like a nose (who can't like a nose or an eye or a cheek, a collarbone even?). This initial resistance is a barrier to open communication. But once I've released the judgments I hold I can see them as they are. Only after I do this can I listen to them in a neutral, non-judgmental way and effectively delve deeper into the issues they're confronting.

We judge and are judged.

One of the women in the class told me when she first introduced herself to me she found me intimidating. But once I began speaking candidly about the material I prepared she thought me warm, engaging and knowledgeable. She made the keen observation that even though people form an impression of someone in less than 7 seconds, they can change that opinion just as fast. While first impressions last they are often a reflection of our own insecurities and judgments we have about ourselves.

Using the below ideas you can head-off those initial harsh judgments from others so you can communicate effectively in any situation. I hope you find them helpful.

Warmly,
Susan

5 THINGS TO DO THAT GUARANTEE YOU'LL BE IGNORED

1. Make excuses.

When you apologize, make excuses, mumble, or indicate hesitation before introducing an idea you immediately put yourself at a disadvantage. This isn't the time to say you're sorry. Save that for when you've really pulled a boner. Start your sentence with a strong, clear thought. Think of these first words as the headline that prepares your audience for the fascinating information to come.

2. Let yourself be interrupted.

Let yourself be interrupted and you've just been put into a one-down position. Insist on being heard by putting your hand up like a stop sign or by saying the person's name, then, "Just a moment," and continue right away until you've finished your thought. People will respect the fact that you think your thoughts are important enough to be listened to. If you respect yourself you get respect in return.

3. Scrunch in your body.

Don't become the incredible shrinking woman. Take up as much space as possible (that feels comfortable without being obvious). Opening your body posture and then spreading out in a relaxed fashion indicates you are vulnerable and powerful, not afraid of attack. Put your arms on the chair's arms or sling them over the back of your chair or the chair next to you. Sit up straight. Assume that you already possess power and stature.

4. Ramble.

Powerful people use less words. Their audience takes those few words to be of big import. Out of respect please organize your thoughts ahead of time, even if it's just for a few seconds in your own mind. People will want to listen to you versus being tempted to tune out. Many people talk "stream of consciousness" which can be interpreted as thoughtless and hard to follow. We've all tried to comprehend someone who is "thinking out loud." An important meeting, media or job interview isn't the time to do it. You want people to say, "Aha! I get the point" versus, "Where the heck is he going with this?"

5. Rush.

Powerful people speak more slowly. They aren't afraid of interruption. If they are interrupted they may just stare a person down. Non-verbal communication can be more effective than verbal communication in certain circumstances. I used the silence method frequently when I taught high school in the mission district of San Francisco where many gang kids kept knives in their boots for protection. If a student began to talk when I or another student was speaking, I'd just stop and look at him until he stopped. It didn't take long for that behavior to cease.

Follow these five points and you'll command respect and gain interest from your audience, whoever they are.

MAKE OR BREAK YOUR CAREER ON DATELINE

A former Dateline producer (and currently freelancing for them) tells you what you cannot do on the show or you will be banned from ALL top talk shows.

This information and more like it from high-powered publicity America's leading PR expert, Annie Jennings who holds teleseminars with PR pros. Jennings, President of national PR firm Annie Jennings PR, reveals her insider publicity strategies and PR skills that you need to become a PR pro in her Crash Course in Publicity. In her tapes she discloses:

Create A Press Release & Media Kit For Maximum Media Attention
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How To Get Booked On Radio Including Drive-Time
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Pre-Interview/Interview Tips
Publicity Q & A
How To Promote Your Book During The Interview
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PR Mistakes To Avoid
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PREPARE FOR YOUR PR

http://www.online-pr.com/markpr3.htm
Lots of links for PR purposes. Everything from press release distribution to media directories and services.

GET READY FOR YOUR MEDIA TOUR

As many of you already know, I have been a big fan of The Sedona Method for several years. I use it almost every day for releasing everything from headaches to stress to anger. For me, the results have been amazing. It's especially helpful for those tense moments before you're on an important TV or radio show or about to do a print interview.

Hale Dwoskin, CEO of Sedona Training Associates, has just released his newest book, THE SEDONA METHOD Your Key To Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well Being. I read a copy of the galleys and, even though I've been listening to the tapes for years, found it immensely valuable. This is something I truly believe in. Get your copy today at: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/
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See a recorded interview about The Sedona Method with excerpts from the book by visiting: http://www.sedona.com/

POSITION YOUR PRODUCT WITH BREAKING NEWS

http://www.1stheadlines.com
If you're looking for ideas to tie in your press release to current events you can find it on a single page. This site provides breaking news from dozens of online sources around the world.

QUOTE

I get out my work and have a show for myself before I have it publicly. I make up my own mind about it -- how good or bad or indifferent it is. After that the critics can write what they please. I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free.

~ Georgia O'Keeffe