10 Ways to Reclaim Your Power as a
Speaker
 By Susan Harrow
August 30, 1999
Traditionally, speaking has been thought of as a performance. A way to wow! people with the all the excellent qualities of the speaker. Lee Glickstein, creator of Speaking Circles (worldwide) thinks speaking is relationship not showmanship. Glickstein believes that good speakers communicate for connection. He says that the best technique is no technique. For those people with stage fright this process has been the answer to the prayers they've been too nervous too pray for. Here is Lee's advice:
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Open your talk with a personal story or anecdote of a failure you've turned into a strength.
Speakers are often told to open with a joke. Glickstein believes that jokes may create distrust, offend, or make you look like a showoff. The personal story is your own material and serves the purpose of getting everybody on the same page, which is often the intention but not the result, of telling a joke. And it can be funny. The personal story allows your audience to empathize with you, and silently acknowledge perceived failure in their own lives. Likewise, they relate to you when you explain how that failure has contributed to developing a strength.
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Receive/take in one person's support at a time.
You do this by slowing down and looking gently into the eyes of a few people, holding their gaze until you establish rapport. Engage each person with 100% of your focus. This doesn't mean you need to contact 100% of the people. You create a community that connects everyone when you connect with several people deeply. In this way you move toward your audience and honor them rather than distancing yourself or trying to dominate them. When you listen to the audience they listen to you and the energy keeps building.
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Opt for anxious authenticity or vibrant vulnerability instead of casting on or off a mask.
It's not the crime it's the cover-up that's a problem. When there is an incongruity between the way you feel and the way you act your audience instinctively knows and regards it negatively. Accept your nervousness, even acknowledge it. Perhaps turn it into a story. People appreciate honesty above arrogance, nonchalance, or false confidence. Bringing your vulnerabilities vs. your capacities to the forefront allows you to receive support from the audience which then encourages more self discovery. By being yourself you give your listeners permission to be themselves.
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Pause to connect instead of seeking to create an effect.
Stop. Breathe. Look into the eyes of your audience one person at a time until you feel the surge of an idea or thought. Allow that feeling or thought to emerge and say it out loud.
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Treat your audience as if they were already your friends.
Your audience wants the best for you. They want to see you succeed. When you view them as a sea of friendly faces, they see themselves reflected back as they are.
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Abandon the idea that you must be perfect.
Perfection is not being real. And if you put yourself up on a pedestal others may be tempted to knock you off. Being real is connecting with people on the same level, no matter what your "title" or "expertise." Being real means living your message, embodying and modeling your topic or subject. Your presence speaks louder than your words.
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Act natural vs. cultivating a style.
Pipe down for more attention. "Style" is really just the natural ability to be yourself without pretense. Often speakers think that when they increase their volume or intensity they are more appealing or interesting. Just the opposite is true. Slowing down, becoming more subdued draws people toward you. Think of children at a puppet show, waiting and watching for the character's next move. They sit in rapt attention, patient and willing.
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Pause often even when you know what you want to say next.
"White space is your friend," says Jeff Rubin, a speaking circle practitioner, of the writing process. In speaking white space is silence. Pauses, or natural silence allows for less clutter and more focus. When you allow silence your audience can take in your ideas more readily. And you allow inspiration the opportunity to join you. Silence sometimes speaks more loudly than words.
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When you draw a blank, draw a blank of openness rather than one of fear.
if you find yourself suddenly at a loss of what to say, first give yourself a chance to tolerate the unknown. It could mean that your talk was headed in a direction that wasn't working well, or was too automatic. The void gives you a chance to creatively connect with the audience. Feel free to ask the audience, "where was I?" Audiences love to help.
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Learn to accept the wisdom of not knowing.
While this doesn't mean not using notes or preparing ideas it does mean
making room for the unexpected thought, story, emotion, new concept or
humorous idea. When you make a decision to be open for new things they
often appear. And when they do a synergy happens that involves everyone.
This is a surprise element that couldn't have occurred with the planning
of every detail.
© 2001 Susan Harrow, All Rights Reserved
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